Ultimate Gadgets For The Upper Class Bastard

”Last week I did a post on gadgets for the couch potato, I enjoyed it and it got quite a good response, so this week I what to source out some gadgets for the upper class bastard in you. Are you a toff? are you part of the aristocracy? well then let me share with you some of the coolest gadgets made for the discerning gentleman. Enjoy you snooty nosed tosser! .

Gentleman’s Ball Scratcher

This quality made piece of silver is ideal for your ball scratching needs, no more scratch and sniff with this little baby, shaped like a delicate female hand this will get right into the hard to reach places with the minimum of fuss. Can also be used as a beating stick to fend off the peasants. £7.99 from menkind

Posh Bastard Willy Care Kit

So you have an imminent business trip coming up and you want to make sure your quim stake is in the best shape it can be for the high class hookers you will bed, but you don’t want someone else poking around your bits do you, your far too superior for that. Get yourself one of these willy care kits. It contains all the necessary grooming and trimming tools you will need on the go. £9.99 from menkind

Silver Belly Button Brush

The upper class bastard doesn’t simply ‘pick’ the belly button fluff out and sniff it, oh no the upper class bastard uses a special tool for doing that. Why tire out your finger when you can use this utterly brilliant belly button brush. This lovely little thing was crafted by NASA and is made of the best quality chrome, perfect for any upper class bastard. £6.99 from menkind

Silver Plated Yo-Yo

Your little bastard nephew ‘Henry Pugh Wilberforce Smith Smythe Tarquin Jones the 3rd’ comes to stay, he is a real bastard and is always trying to out do you, which no seven year should be able to do, get the edge on him with this fantastic silver plated yo-yo and make him cry, knowing that you have a vastly superior yo-yo. £15.00 from poshprezzies

Moller Skycar M400

Are you getting the feeling your Bentley is a bit too ‘common’ do you feel that you are above driving a Rolls Royce, then get yourself over to firebox and pick up a Moller Skycar! Made to order, the Moller skycar will propel you vertically and speed you hastily to your golf club at a leisurely 380mph whilst you sneer at the mere ‘car driving’ mortals below, for added effect I would lower yourself above someones open sunroof and throw quails eggs at them. Price £324,000 from firebox

Got any more upper class bastard gadgets you can recommend? Leave a comment”