Mr Darling, We’ll Show You How To Spend The Budget!

”So yesterday our chancellor took the piss out of the nation by hiking up taxes,  shafting the everyday British person and failing to plug the hole in the nations deficit so well done for that Mr Darling. In response we thought it would be a good idea to do our own ‘blokebuddy style’ budget proposal, I mean it can’t be that hard surely.

Alcohol

So Mr Darling hit the cider drinkers in an epic way by slamming 10% tax above inflation on the appley nectar, idiot. We thought it would have been a good idea to remove all tax from beer and cider and instead put a 20% increase on water, I mean no one really drinks the stuff do they?

Fag Tax

Personally I don’t smoke, the idea of it makes me sick, I hate smoke and I hate being around people that smoke, what we should do is tax cigarettes to the same ratio as what the Egyptian piaster is against the pound right now, meaning a packet of 20 fags would cost around £40 brilliant.

Education

Schools are great, but instead of investing a shit load of cash into a building, we should be developing new technology to artificially inject education into children, our invention the ‘artificial pro education injectioniser pod’ uses complex maths and stuff to put skills directly into the kids brain meaning you could learn french in an hour, or you could learn the complete works of Shakespeare in ten minutes, the kid only has to spend 2 hours a day inside the pod, leaving the rest of the day free to push there mates around in a shopping trolley and collect ASBO’s.

Fuel tax

So yet again the fuel tax has been hiked up, as if we didn’t pay over the odds for it anyway. Instead of taxing the ordinary motorist, why not put a 50% increase on car tax for those that drive a ‘poor mans penis extension’ any car that sports a rear spoiler that’s worth more than the car, any vehicle that has a white stripe running through the centre of it, and any vehicle that makes more noise than a harrier jet, also an extra 10% should be slapped on if the driver perches his baseball cap on the rear of his/her head and insists on listening to ‘dubstep’, ‘dizzee rascal’ and ‘bonkers’.

Military

They have given the war in Afghanistan an extra £4 billion, well what they should have done is bring all the troops back from the pointless and ridiculous war, give them all 6 weeks leave and send them to Ibiza for a jolly good holiday.

Inheritance tax

Inheritance tax should be scrapped for anyone that has died as a direct result of the government, such as soldiers being killed in action, police killed on duty, teachers getting stabbed by pupils etc, and a tax of 50% should be slapped on anyone that has a double barreled surname and anyone who has an affection with tweed and shooting pigeons.”

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