Texts You Shouldn’t Send Your Missus

”Texting’s great isn’t it? it’s a great way to tell your mates what pub your in, inform your mum you have a pile of washing your going to bring round, or even to cowardly dump the weird girl you have been seeing for 2 weeks because she has 7 toes. But it can all go terribly wrong of course as Tiger Woods spectacularly demonstrated, here are 10 texts you should never send your missus……you have been warned.

”Hi love, I was just wondering if you fancied going to the pub later, they got a wet t shirt competition on….apparently, let me know.xxx”

”Babe, you know you said you would kill me if I went abroad for my stag do, well does bolivia count? xxx”

”Hi love, I’m on my way home from the pub, have we got plenty of loo roll?”

”Why have I got blood on my cock?”

”I just been round your dad’s house to borrow his lawn mower, the door was open so I let myself in and there he was knocking one out to midget porn! haha I said I wouldn’t say anything but I know you would laugh at it, love yooo.xxx”

”Guess what! your mate katie has had a boob job!”

”I am soo incredibly drunk, I am literally having a shit and being sick as we speak,  I won’t be long home…..still feeling pretty horny though! you? xxx”

”Babe you know I said you could use my laptop today, well before you go on any websites can you just go to tools and delete browsing history…….DONT DO ANYTHING ELSE UNTIL YOU HAVE!”

”I am coming home now, been laid off work ‘apparently’ I was caught dipping my cock into the ice cream, but I swear I didn’t! love yooo.xxx:)”

”what you mean you can’t see me tonight? I washed my cock and everything and I shaved my butt hole! so f***ing selfish! xxx”

”I don’t think I’ll be home tonight, I got arrested……can’t say why, love you :-) xxx”

”Your mum look sooooo hot today, hope you look that good when your older! love yooo.xxx”

”Babe which tampons do you have? they say stuff like super, regular and light, shall I just get you super large?”

”Shit! babe don’t use the cucumber in the fridge for anything, I used it for something else earlier, nothing bad but don’t eat it…….please. Love yoo.xxx”

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image by kiwanja

Comments

3 Responses to “Texts You Shouldn’t Send Your Missus”
  1. PuppyJuice says:

    That was pretty funny, I got some good laughs from a few of those text messages.

    • Adam says:

      haha glad you liked them, my fav one is the one about her dad knocking one out to midget porn lol. Dare you to send one to your missus haha

  2. The Padrino says:

    That was a nice one there

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